I never know how to bring up issues I’m having with my boyfriend because every time I think I’m being constructive, he says that I am nagging him. I think that my “nagging” is me trying to be open and not bottling things in, which I used to do and was another thing that he didn’t like.
We’ve been fighting a lot about that.
Throughout the past month, I’ve tried to make everything better by doing even more than I already do for him. On multiple occasions I’ve surprised him with gifts and cleaned the whole apartment including the dishes, which we discussed and agreed that I under no circumstances would ever do. I’ve picked him up from his work and taken him home many times, which is time consuming and expensive considering he lives 10 miles away and works even farther away. Not to mention that this is all in San Francisco, where traffic is super stressful all the time.
I am starting to think that he doesn’t appreciate me. I do so much for him and he still gets upset if we go out too much (he makes twice as much money as I do, literally) or if I get upset when I want to spend time with him instead of giving him time alone to write (after driving all the way to his house to spend time with him).
Today I realized that I am forced to be a sneaky manipulative girlfriend to get my way, meaning to get him to pay attention to my needs, in any situation.
I do not want to be that person because I like being open and honest, but so far doing that has gotten me yelled at by him for nagging and always trying to impose myself on his thinking process.
That’s what I get for dating a fucking artist.
Anyways, today I asked him to come to my work. We aren’t busy tonight and I’ve been wanting him to try our food because it’s supposedly very delicious (I don’t eat meat and I work at a French restaurant). I’ve gone to his work many many times and he was complaining that he didn’t have anything to do today so I suggested that. He said no. This wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t feel like I am always doing things for him with nothing in return. He and I both know that if we switched places in this situation, I would head over to his work in a heartbeat.
I can’t complain about this because he will say that I’m “nagging”.
My solution then, because I am forced to in order to get what I need to be happy, is to make communication with him very limited. I am going to be as completely selfish as he is. I am going to never go out of my way for him, if he wants to hang out with him then I will let him come to me.
I hate this. It will be difficult. I love him so much and I love giving to him, but I can’t handle this anymore and every time I’ve tried to bring this up in a mature way he has gotten upset.
We will see if this works with him and if not then I will have to move on.